Protocol of 4 Integrated Bodywork Sessions

Below is the outline of 4 sessions out of a series of 10 which I did with Laura (name has been changed). This is already deeper work, the previous sessions have been more superficial.In an intial assessment the following themes of her came up: being stuck in a feeling of 'immobilty' and "I can't", lack of nourishment through parents, hyper-sensitivity towards people around her. Through the protocol you may get a glimpse of the whole process and the intertwinement of the physical , emotional and mental level . It also shows that the body is the ultimate authority.Each session starts with a "Body Reading" : an evaluation of the outer structure.

Secrets ( session 7)

Body Reading: The right buttocks are fuller than the left ones. The right leg is straighter than the left; the left knee is rotated to the outside and this is compensated by an inward rotation of the ankle. The left side of the torso is still pulled together.

Bodywork: I start with the bow -exercise. The energy flow in her body is pretty good, the vibrations go through the legs, the pelvis and the chest. She danced a lot and has done yoga, so she knows how to let the breath go . The session itself is quiet. She stays in her secret, safe space. Maybe she needs to keep the experiences with the deeper layers of her pelvis first to herself. There are feelings but she has no name for them. The fotos after the session show an even worse posture than before ( the weight is again more on the toes). This happened with other clients, too. Its peculiar to me. Maybe since the tension has not been expressed it just shifted to another place. In her case, it shifted to the shoulders. So its good that the following session will be around neck and head to take care of it. In the end she seems to sense my frustration because she says: "Well, right now, it may look as if nothing much happened. But during the week I usually feel a lot, become aware of things and feel the benefit of the sessions."

Shaky Ground (session 8)

Laura always has vivid dreams . This time she dreamed about a man without a nose (for her it means: no heart) who wants to make an injection in the back.

Body Reading: Her right shoulder is coming forward, the left is wider, relaxed. "My right side is more constricted, bunched up. I feel a force coming onto this shoulder. A blob, a two bunched snowman sitting there, a clump, being attached to me." When I ask her to become that snowman, he says: " I want to protect you, protect you from people, the mean and crazy people." She replies: "I don't need that protection. It's your fear about people. I don't have that. It's connected to my father."

Bodywork: I concentrate a lot on the right side, above and below the clavicula, also pec minor. While she does a forward movement with her shoulder, she feels more active: "I can do something about the pain, I don't need to feel paralyzed." But I feel somehow stuck with her. Do I need to teach her a new way of taking the bodywork? She has developed a routine. She relaxes (=vanishes) and waits until the whole stroke is over and then comes back. She says:"If I only can endure it. When its over itll be okay. " Well, that's the strategy she developed as a kid to handle the chaos of the parents. And she holds onto it at the moment. Trapezius, scaleni: I go deep and then I take over the role of the snowman/father part: "Im attached to you. I belong to you. I want you." Laura screams out a loud: " NOOO!!" and then a pattern becomes obvious. There are strong emotions and then a very sudden switch. Probably the moment when it's getting shaky, she's cutting herself off. She stops the wave from rolling to the end. Fear of what? The next time when it happens ( I work on her jaw) I catch her right in that moment, tell her to let the wave go through and the end of the wave turns into sadness. She doesn't know what she is sad about, but she realizes (very important!) that it is okay to feel it, that it is not devastating , that there is more breath and life in her shoulder now.

Powerful and Sweet ( session 8 )

Body Reading: The typical , personal structure of Laura's body is a twist. A twist which gave me some riddles, because it looks different in the picture than in reality. The solution of the riddle is the 3-dimensionality. There is a twist on the frontal level (forward/back) and there is a tilt on the sagittal level (side/side). The culmination point of the strain caused by the pulls of the different parts in her body seems to be in the left lumbar area/left psoas. The twist in her legs mirrors her immobility. A pull in one direction is followed by a counterpull in the opposite direction. In her upper body, the right side wants to go forward. (She mentions the expression: to have a chip on the shoulder, which means : to be ready to fight, defend. Her father often said it to her: you have a chip on your shoulder) The left side keeps her back. ( I can't) Laura gained already a lot of mobility by living through all these controversary sides during the past sessions. Yet , her formula is still : uneven / on-off energy: nothing is happening - a lot is happening - nothing is happening - a lot is happening...... For the following sessions I decide to focus on making a connection within the divergences.

Bodywork: For the first time Laura is late. She is embarrassed about it ,she considers herself to be a reliable person. The reason for her being late : She dreamed that she was swimming in a pool, with the President and others around, and she enjoyed it so much that she forgot about the time. Well, what could be better in life than having a love affair with the unconscious? Then she tells about the great progresses in her life. She feels competent, capable and professional in her work. And she is looking forward to the future, having a rich life. The session is filled with this uneven energy. There is vital self-expression and then silence. I work a lot around the stubborn lumbar area. When I touch her left psoas , there again is apprehension, but this time I ask her to breath through it. It turns into a fiery energy which is expressed in crazy sounds. She is astonished about her own wildness. She accepts it but she rather likes to be powerful and sweet.

Appreciation and Love (session 9 )

Laura brings again a dream. Her dreams reflect so much the state of the whole process which she is in. This time its about burning houses, and she is upset when she awakes. Where is all the joy and lightness? Since the last session the inner fire has been stirred up and she rather wants to contain it than have everything burn down. This is the theme throughout the session. What to do with the new energies? How to integrate new traits in her self-concept? While working with her breathing I provoke her a lot ( I wanted to continue where we ended last time) but a part in her stays reserved. During the work on her left ankle, peroneus, inner thigh, she rather becomes a whining victim than expressing her power. Along the pelvic floor I ask her to apply an exploring attitude towards the unknown territory. When I get back to her shoulder, I meet again her resistance; she seems to want to hold everything together. After all, I stop the deep work completely, since it brings up only her protection. So I go along with her protection. The last minutes I spend on her defensive shoulder. What is it that she defends here? "Maybe my true self." While I stay there with a very gentle touch, this place lets go and opens. I sense: dignity. She confirms and adds: "Its also the place for the right to be myself". When she says this she becomes sad. Her early experience was that she threatened other people ( her parents) when she was true to herself and that she was not loved and appreciated for being herself. It became clear what the I can't was about: I can't be myself and be loved) But she has the love and appreciation inside of her at that very sensitive place which was holding it stubbornly for so long and is releasing it now. The door to heaven is gentle and not forcible. --- She can be herself and be loved!

Staying the same and being Different ( session 10)

I work on the right leg, right psoas, again around the shoulder , upper chest, clavicula. The neck is the place where the energy is still stuck. With Laura I had the experience that new emotionally loaded territories needed to be approached in a gentle, soft way, so that she slowly can get acquainted with that area. So I approach the neck as well in a slow pace.. I stay quite a while at the scalenus and encourage her to let the mouth do a sucking movement to feel the connection through the throat. She does it more like a good student and not out of own impulses. Throughout this session, too, there is still this uneven energy : emotional expression - standstill. Yet, in contrast to the beginning sessions she is very aware of it and even seems to be happy with it. It was so much a part of herself that she didnt recognize it before. Stop and go, move and stand still. "Whats behind the 'I can't ' ?" "I can't have my own will." "What would happen if you could?" "I would be happy." Since she has started the process of being herself and accepting it in the last session already , it seems to be just a matter of making enough experiences to ground this new belief. While working on the right foot, thigh, psoas, there are many opportunities for those places to have their own will and be validated, and they get very alive. After that she feels connected through the length of her body. There are also a lot of new facets of expression like a deeper , fuller voice; sharp , high pitch ( in my ears delightful!) screams, erotic moaning, laughter, new connected movements. And then again stillness. Maybe at the present time she needs to have both states to be separate from each other in order to be in control. But in the end I want to give her a vision that its possible to have them melt into each other. "Become aware of that part which is the same through all the variety of expression, through all these different and new impulses, colors, movements, sounds. Just notice how you are experiencing it , maybe as an inner sensation, as an energy point or a line or another impression......That part is always with you...." "And whenever you hit something new remember that little girl inside of you who is not afraid following her impulses. It was Mom and Dad who got into trouble but not you. So if that happens just tell them its about them not about you."